For 2016 I am going to try and write my thoughts down. Looking over the last few years my facebook statuses have been quite depressing. I Haven’t liked them at all.. The overwhelming theme to them has been one of despair and lack of understanding of what is happening around me. I find the world a confusing place, one I can not understand and struggle to fit in. I don’t want to feel this lost but without the knowledge to understand why things don’t change the only thing I have considered is to write about them in the hope someone sees that I’m trying my hardest and want to be a part of my life.
I have many skills but interacting with people is not one of them. Sadly this leaves me quite isolated in my own home. I don’t mind being at home on myself most of the time as I know by going out I am having to process so much information. I have learnt over the last few years that I should not force things and just leave to whatever happens to happen. Strange thing about that is that I can go days and days without anyone engaging with me on a personal level. I think this can make it hard to make choices as I don’t have a reference point to fall back on, or anyone to talk to. Most of my friends live quite a distance from me and I am only ever words on the screen to them as they don’t see all the times I am here feeling lost. I see that from looking back over things I don’t either. Let me explain what I mean. Until recently I never knew I had memory loss and these gaps in my memory maybe brought on by epilepsy. I sometimes get glimpses into my pass and is the primary reason for starting this journal. I have had personal journals in the pass but normally I have forgotten where I have kept them and sometimes I will stumble across it when looking for things on my computer. I also think that if I make these thoughts public I will be more likely to write something. Before I have been thinking to myself what is the point? I will only forget and you can not change the pass so maybe it is best that I do forget?
I have looked at many journals and video blogs online before, they seem to have a theme about them. This could be from coming out to talking about a disability to just talking about life at school or work. This seems to be what drives people to write about stuff. I am not sure I have the confidence to do a video blog but who knows and this may give me a platform to do that. The driving force in my life has to be to help others. My main activity for this at the moment is my part time role for a charity that makes equipment for disabled children called MERU I first found out about this charity when I was a little boy at the age of 8 years old.. It became my ambition to become an engineer.
Until I find some direction to this website a lot of what I post will be about work or just random stuff I find online that I may think other people will find interesting. If you enjoying reading what I post then do feel free to comment or write to me.
Happy New Year to you all